~Is it me or......

We have a crazy morning ritual. Since I left my job over a year ago , to pursue something different, it is my responsibility for Johnny and Janey. So...when the alarm goes off in the morning, Jane rolls over to "Tell me" that my alarm is going off. ( Lets backtrack... For years the alarm was ALWAYS on my nightstand....Since we moved into our other house, Jane insists to be on the side of the bed that used to be frequented by me...I think she wants to see the TV better without a big pole from our bed in the middle...so she REFUSES to move or move the alarm clock...) so when she tells me that "My alarm is going off...it means.."Get up out of bed NOW...shut off the damn alarm....and get the kids off to school." Mind you that Johnny and Janey are 17 and 12....with their own alarms.
So to make things more confusing, when she tells me to wake up Johnny , she groggily tells me..."Wake up Johnny and DO NOT....let him take those Boxing gloves to school! "
Now wait a minute. Am I missing something? Did she just say that? OR am I a sleepy mess...OR is there something I should know about..? Well either way , I am now "Officially" screwed! "
A) If I asked her what she just said I am either "Nutz" and an A@@ hole for waking her up. or
B) An Insensitive Jerk who "Never listens anymore"and doesn't care about anything or anyone but myself. (Thanks Cosmopolitan for ALL of the above!!!!) or
C) Asking Johnny what she means by not bringing his Boxing Gloves to school. BUT Johnny IS his Mother's child in the morning , and has been going through the "I have met PUBERTY head on and my parents are Awkward, Weird, Stupid, Disgusting, Annoying and I don't wanna talk to them until I want money"...stage.
So now comes time to make a decision....I can feel another strand of hair turning gray....
I am going to ASSUME....(Yep there it is folks...that word) that knowing my wife.I'm gonna go with that she is groggy and dreaming....ONLY because I haven't seen any boxing gloves laying in the middle of the floor or on the dinner table lately..
Ok so Janey catches her bus.....Johnny is done complaining and out the door. Everything is goooood for another chaotic morning.....Bzzzzzzzzzzz NOT!
As I settle down with a hot cup of Java to wake up and ponder about the "Boxing Glove " debacle, the Green Manalishi raises its head from a deep sleep....
"J-O-H-N-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh no..........I recognize THAT tone!!!!!! DAMN Now what...??? What did I do...Did I put that damn toilet seat down? Is her Diet coke supply stocked?
"Yeah???" I reply...
"Where is Johnny? Did you get him up? Its 7:00 a.m.!!!!! "
HA!!! Once again I am a step ahead of her, I am thinking.... So I reply with a swagger..."Johnny is up and he is gone...he left 5 minutes ago.."
Well you guessed it...That was NOT the end.....
"Well I didn't HEAR him leave....Are you sure? He will be late and he can't be late..He has missed too many days and he needs to graduate...blah blah blah blah blah....."
Me....getting a bit perturbed because I feel like its wasted conversation, I guess, and I just want to get my sentence in so it can be DONE with so I can move on for the day.
"Yeeessss, I am sure. I woke him up, he showered , he took his lunch and he is gone." There...I got it out, will she just let it go now? I know she was sleeping and I know she didnt HEAR him leave but really HE IS GONE. Enough said....
But here it comes...I cant resist.... why not just drink my cup of "Shut the Hell Up"? Nope too late.
" Jane ....he is gone and he didn't take his damn boxing gloves with him..!" There I said it.
Now what seems like eternity, and once again I ask ...WHY? Why I just don't zip it shut.
I think I like the "One up theory" as I like to call it. It must be a Scorpio thing.
So I wait for a reply and there is silence.
So There i go AGAIN!!.. " ... AND HE LEFT HIS BOXING GLOVES HERE AT HOME!!!"
Now I move closer for the answer I cannot wait til I get a reply... (slowly...quietly...ooops did you hear that noise it was a pin dropping...or maybe it seemed like forever for my satisfaction, that it was the New Year horns coming in..) I hear an inhale...she is gonna fall into my trap....

" A@@hole!!!!!!!" she replies.

Baddaboom Baddabing!!! Yes!!! Score John 1 Jane 0 wooo hoo

List Of Characters ~

Lets start with myself... John...Im the main character and writing from my standpoint and opinions.

Jane~ My wife and daughter of Mary

Johnny~ Son

Janey ~ Daughter

Mary~ mother in Law , MIL, Grandma etc.

(Names are facetious)

And other characters will be introduced as they are mentioned. Thanks!!!

First things first....

Ok, to get started where did the name come from? When I experience a bizarre, not so normal, encounter that is totally unexplainable....I tell my Mother in Law it HAS to be her fault. How could something like this happen...??? Of course the only LOGICAL answer to the MADNESS it had to have come from her. ( If you know her, you would know that HER kids could do no wrong..No way, ABSOLUTELY not.) Therefore , for self healing , I tell her it had to have a common denominator perse' .... her womb. Yes kind of like the modern day " 7 degrees of separation " All explainable or justifiable solutions to the madness of her kids, get sent back to the family fallopian tubes....the "Loins Extraordinaire"....Which by coincidence, has a movie with a similar title....."Something About Mary" , which happens to be her name...
Now you know, and maybe this will help you navigate to the HIW tags from here on out.

Enjoy!